Sunday, April 3, 2016



At 26, if you are a girl, done with your undergraduate degree and not dating anybody. Anywhere and everywhere you go, you will be bombarded with 

"When's your turn?"
"Do you wanna get to know XX, YY or ZZ?"
"When's the date?"

Worse is when you have just pulled yourself out of a relationship and being in a new relationship so soon seems entirely impossible. 

Problem is. 

I see myself as being a dental graduate (technically a jobless dentist now) who is JUST 26, not done exploring the world yet and still learning a lot about life. If you ask me if I can see myself settling down, the honest truth answer to that is NO. I need to be convinced that there is someone out there who can take the place of my father. Of my brothers even. (Those who are close to me know how much I depend on my brother on a lot of matters. A lot.) on top of the fact that I am unsure if anyone wants me at all. 😂😂😂 

But yes, after a couple of failed relationships and a couple of flings, I realized that dating doesn't necessarily mean talking on the phone everyday to hear the person on the other end saying I love you. Love is a feeling. Love needs to be shown, pursuaded and convinced. 

Love is when you feel swayed and swooned by his actions, not words. Abaikan lelaki yang menanam tebu di tepi bibir. Cheh. Cakap pandai Syasya. 

Frankly speaking, I'd feel convinced if. 

It's having someone to not snap when you are cranky because you're just a freaking hormonal person especially at that time of the month.

It's about having someone saying period pain just shows that you're being a human, a lady. 

It's about having someone studying with you because you have an annoyingly easy-no-carry-mark quiz the next day. 

It's about someone stopping you from doing stuff that harms you. It's about being with you until you are completely your OK self. Not the one who lets you harm yourself and say I am here for you. Kau dah kenapa? Do I not have a value to you that seeing me devaluing myself don't bother youuu? Sorry2. Ter emo pula. 

It's about someone not blaming you for every miserable episode of life events that he has to endure. It's about him saying he needs to get his shit together because he freaking has you as one of his many responsibilities. 

It's about a lot of other issues. Some are petty. Some are serious. At the end of the day, your intuitions, your guts and hunches would tell you that this person in fromt of you, is the one you want to grow old with. The one you'd want to understand. The one you'd want to discover life constellations. The one you'd one to expose your vulnerable self because at the end of the day, he is the one you'd wanna call home. 

And at the end of the day, muster your strength, gather your courage and say him goodbye should you need to. But remember, do it after you have painstakingly weigh your options. 

And remember, when all else fails, you'll realize that the moment you start loving youself more is the moment that you rralize taking whatever decision you had to take was the best you could ever made. 😘

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